Mickey Mouse: Behind the Scenes
by GargantuanOctopus
Summary: Read what truly happens behind the scenes in the Mickey Mouse universe.
1. Mickey Commits Suicide

"Goofy…" Mickey said sadly to Goofy as he stood on the edge of a cliff. "I… I just can't do it anymore."

"Gorsh, Mickey, you can't do that!" Goofy shouted, concerned. "You have some much to live for!"

"I… I know we have all this money from Disney, but… but…"

"Mickey, what is it? Please, I'm here to help!"

"It's just that… you stole my fucking lasagna!"

It was at this moment that Goofy knew he had fucked up. Not only did he still his best friend's lasagna, but he stole lasagna. He thought about what he had done. Suddenly, they were transported into epic flashback land.

* * *

"Oh boy, lasagna!" Mickey shouted as he was about to dig into his lasagna with a spoon.

"Gorsh, Mickey, that lasagna looks pretty tasty!" Goofy said as he walked in the room.

"Yeah, well it's mine. You can't have it."

"Come on, not even a little?"

"Goofy, you don't get it, this lasagna is the cure to my-"

"Well fuck you too, Mickey! I can't believe you would be so selfish! Looks like the fame, money and bitches finally got to your head!"

"Goofy. I have t-"

Before Mickey could finish, Goofy snatched Mickey's lasagna and said, "Guess I'll be taking the whole thing, then."

* * *

"Mickey, I could buy you a new one!" Goofy suggested.

"You don't get it, Goofy," Mickey replied. "That lasagna was the only cure to my tuberculosis!"

"Oh, fuck!" Goofy shouted!

"My grandma made that! She makes the most wonderful food ever! So wonderful, it can cure whichever disease she chooses!"

"You… you should've told me, Mickey!"

"I tried to, but you wouldn't fucking listen!"

"But Mickey-"

"You know what else you stole? My Sprite! I was gonna drink that so I could cure my AIDS. I have fucking leprosy, Goofy, what do you think that sandwich was for?"

"Mickey… if you die… I don't know how I'll continue! To live my whole life knowing I was the cause of my best friend's death…"

"Oh, I'm fully aware of that. Which is why I'm taking you with me!"

"Oh, fuck!"

Mickey grabbed onto Goofy and pulled him off the edge of the cliff with him. It felt like the cliff was endless, so Goofy decided to speak up.

"Mickey, if your grandma made the lasagna, don't you think she could make some more?"

"Goofy, you prick! She died last year!" Mickey shouted in response.

"Well Mickey, she may no longer be on this planet, but she still lives on in your heart."

There was silence for a bit as they both thought about how fucking gay that sounds. Suddenly though, Mickey's grandma fucking comes out of his heart.

"Oh Jesus Christ!" Mickey shouted off the top of his lungs.

"Mickey, what the fuck is happening?" Grandma Mouse asked.

"No time to explain, make me some lasagna!"

"On it!"

In no time at all, Grandma Mouse makes the perfect lasagna. Mickey gulps it down in one bite.

"Well, you have fun bungee jumping… without a cord- yeah you're fucked, bye."

"Well Mickey, you really fucked everything up, didn't you?"

"It's okay Goofy, my tuberculosis is gone!"

"Oh, Mickey. How naive. You spent so much time trying to cure your tuberculosis that you never stopped to think about how to cure death."

Immediately after Goofy said that, Mickey fell face first into a sharp-ass branch, as it pierced through his mouth down his body until he was at the beginning of the branch. Meanwhile, with Goofy, he falls on his back on a rock, as he cracks his spine open, letting it stick out of his body like an erection, but a lot deadlier.

Needless to say, they're fucking dead.


	2. Mickey and Goofy Adopt Pluto

Goofy walked into Mickey's room to say hi to his friend, because he just felt like it. Okay, well, that wasn't the only reason. He actually came to ask him a question.

"Hey, Mickey, wanna adopt a dog?" he asked.

Mickey was surprised that he just suddenly walked in and jumped up a little. He calmed down after he looked at who it was.

"Oh, hi Goofy," he greeted. "Wait, did you just ask if I wanted to adopt a dog?"

"Yeah, is something wrong?" Goofy questioned.

"Aren't you a dog?"  
"Well, yeah, but I'm part of the master race of dogs."

"What-"

"Racism."

"Goofy, what the fuck?"

"Nothing, Mickey, let's go adopt that dog."

* * *

They made their way to the underground dog dealer. The place reeked of illegality, and Mickey felt disturbed, but Goofy couldn't give any less shits. Mickey started to wonder how this friendship started.

"Well Mickey, which one do you want?" asked Goofy.

"I don't really know, Goofy, this doesn't feel right," Mickey replied.

"Oh, come on Mickey, it's fine. Like, look at that one!"

Goofy pointed to a dog in the corner that was on its back, foaming from the mouth. Mickey felt like even touching that dog would be the end of him.

"Goofy, I don't know, that one looks like it has rabies," Mickey pointed out.

"So what? What harm will a little disease do?" Goofy asked.

"Goofy, do you really want a needle in your asshole?"

"Sounds hot."

"Goofy, what the fuck? I genuinely think there's something wrong with you."

"Alright, sounds good, we're buying that dog."

"Goofy!"

* * *

They got back to the Disney mansion. As they passed by the rooms of other characters from Disney franchises, Goofy remembered something.

"Well gorsh, Mickey, we gotta give this guy a name!" he shouted.

Mickey looked at the rabid dog, disgusted. He wanted nothing to do with it. "You… you can do that."

"How about we name it after the _**god of the underworld,**_" Goofy suggested.

"Goofy. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Alright, Pluto it is!"

* * *

Over the next couple of months, Pluto bit the shit out of the Mickey Mouse crew, and they suddenly contracted rabies.

Mickey walked into Goofy's room, ill from the rabies. "Goofy… Goofy… you really fucked us all over." he shouted as loud as his sick body could. "Do you know what I heard? They said people are losing interest in our show due to our low enthusiasm. None of this would've fucking happened if you didn't buy that retarded dog!"

"Mickey… Mickey I-" Goofy was cut off.

"Shut the fuck up, Goofy! There's no excuses, you're just a fucking asshat that does nothing but ruin our show! They're kicking us out! They're cancelling the show! We're gonna live off the streets and make money off of sitting on a curb and looking sad! You fucked up our entire lives!"

And just like that, the whole Mickey Mouse crew was living on the streets.

Donald made a noise.

"I know, Donald… I know…" Mickey replied. "If only there was a way we could get back at Goofy."

Donald made another noise.

"Wait… Donald you're a genius!"

What did he say?" Minnie asked.

"No time, to explain, I gotta go!" Mickey replied.

Mickey confronted Goofy. "It's time to pay for your actions," Mickey exclaimed.

"Mickey? What are you gonna do?" Goofy asked, concerned for what Mickey was going to do.

"Goofy, you've done nothing but fuck everything up for us. It's time you fucking died. Go get him Pluto!"

Pluto came rushing and started to rip Goofy's limbs off with his teeth. He sunk into the joints and bit down so hard that blood oozed out like a fountain.

Goofy screamed in horror as he saw his own body being ripped apart right in front of his very eyes.

At this point, half of Goofy's blood had let. He was dead, and the crew was saved.

Oh, but they still had fucking rabies.


End file.
